I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
