tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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