I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize