my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize