i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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