we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize