last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
