Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
