Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
