You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
