Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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