why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
