Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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