That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
