Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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