from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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