watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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