I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
