i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
