Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
