that's an acceptable place to lick
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
