i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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