He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
