Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
