the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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