Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
