I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
