Pappa wants mamma naked
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
