Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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