i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
