It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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