textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize