Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
