I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
