No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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