wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
