it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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