If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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