My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
