sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
