someone get that fucking seahorse.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
