come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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