He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
