I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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