I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
