when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
