I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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