so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
