Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
