So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
These tits shall not be calmed
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
