wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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