okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The air was thick with penises
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
