My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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