on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
