Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
