when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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