Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The uberlube is also flammable
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
