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That's how twitter works, right?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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