Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
