I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize