She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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