I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sext me about skeletons
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
