I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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