I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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