Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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