I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
