I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
