Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
whose ass print is on the piano?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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