Im at strip club and am horny
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
