Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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