No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
