What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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