I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
