hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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