i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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