You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize