I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize